Missed Me?

I know, I know! 

I have been gone forever! And I should say sorry to my friends that I yell at for never updating thier blogs anymore. {One post a day Kelly? Sure!}

Well I have not been up to anything too spectacular.

I have decided recently that I need to become like Kim and Tray and become a Domestic Goddess. 

These two can decorate better than anybody I know and I am jealous.

So I am now going to follow in their footsteps.

Mi Madre and I are working on copying this to put in my house!

Once its finished I will show you a picture IF it turns out cute!

I am loving that spring has finally arrived in Sandyland.

Diego and I have spruced up the front yard so it looks half way decent.

I am so excited to say that I planted basil, tomatoes, peppers, cilantro, and rosemary!

If they all die I am going to be pissed!

My tulips are cropping up every couple of days and I planted some bulbs that will hopefully make their appearance in two weeks.

But the real reason I have not been on the computer...

I finally got my CrackBerry BlackBerry.

Now I can blogstalk, tweet, and FB all from the palm of my hand.

And I love her.

Now I don't have to look at Diego's phone with such envy!

I did look at getting the Storm like his but I am so sick of having a touchscreen that I always scratch up that I was happy just to be done with them!

I hope to keep posting more often because I do miss my blog friends so very much!

Epic Failure.

Tonight I got home from work at a very decent time so I decided I would make Alfajores.

I had printed off the recipe over the weekend and had boughten all the ingredients.

But yet again I did not FULLY read the instructions.

I decided to be a good little honorary Uruguayan and make my own Dulce de Leche instead of going to the specialty market and buying it.

Malo {Bad} idea.

I guess you can make it with a can of condensed milk {just found this out} but my recipe called for milk and a bunch of other crap.

After your milk and crap has been stirred on LOW for an HOUR AND A HALF you have to somehow cover your pot with plastic wrap and place your pot inside another pot of boiling ass water.

This is where plans changed.

My platic wrap would just not stay put.

I finally got it covered and put it inside the boiling water.

I then realized it had to stay in this ghetto double broiler for ANOTHER hour and a half.

That went right down the sink.

Guess I am headed so the good ole SLC tomorrow to pick up some dulce de leche!

Maybe I will take my BBB with me so that my homeys know that I am not just wandering in to their store on accident!

So stay tuned for the actual cookie recipe for these bad boys!

My obsession.

This is a question for all you "chefs" out there.

Do you get your recipes out of cookbooks or off the internet?

This shelf is my favorite thing in my house.

I live for cookbooks.

I bring them to bed with me to read at night.

I mark them up with markers and highlighters.

I rip up random pieces of paper to use as bookmarks.

But do I use them often?

Not really.

There are two that are always on the counter.

Cheap. Fast. Good.

&

365: No Repeats.

Since my homepage is a porn-for-fat-people website,

I usually just get ideas off of there.

But if you are ever going to google or bing a recipe always write amazing in front of it.

I know this sounds weird but it totally works.

So instead of putting just {chocolate chip cookies} in the search area,

put {amazing chocolate chip cookies} or {the best ever chocolate chip cookies}.

Now I am getting hungry...

Peace out!

Hola!

We made it!

I am taking tons of photos but they are all on my laptop and we dont have wi fi at her sisters house. Once I find it I will blog them all.!

Sorry so short!

Wham... right in the kisser!

It just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I only have 5 full days to get everything ready.

Still have not packed.

House is not spotless.

Have not picked up everything from the pharmacy.

Holy Shite.

Paying good $ for skin cancer.

To be slightly tanner than my albino skin will allow, I went tanning every day for three months to get tan for my wedding. I was not going to go stand by my man in a white wedding dress and blend right in with it. I could not believe how tan I was. But then I would stand next to Diego and it did not look like I had been in the sun in months.

I know that its ok to be white. I mean twilight practically made it cool to be white. But I have learned over my long lifetime that the worst thing that can happen at the begining of a vacation is a BAD burn! After that you dont want to even go out in the sun so you hang out in the hotel room for a couple days taking baths in vinager and rubbing aloe all over your skin. I knew that Uruguay was going to be sunny sunny sunny so I decided to start my tanning early.

I did not start going till about three weeks ago. I did not know if I had given myself enough time because I only go into the bed for 5 or 6 minutes. I went for the first to days and saw nothing. On the 3rd day I decided to go for 8 minutes. BAD F ING IDEA! I got such a bad burn on my legs I could not even move. My legs were having spasms. I tried everything. Nothing worked. I could not get my body heat down. Sat in cold water for over an hour. I did not fall asleep until 4:30 in the morning. I woke up at 7 to go to work and I was dying!! It hurt to put on jeans and walk around! All day I drank freezing cold water just to keep my heat to a minimum! Hell!

So I went back down to 5 minutes a couple days later and havent had a burn since! Two days ago I used the highest bed they have! A bronzing bed. LOVED IT!!!! I dont know why I could not start with it! No burns just amazing brown skin! Cant wait to show pictures of my lovely brown skin!!!!

6 Days!

Check List...

I am the most unorganized person ever! {Diego says he agrees with this statement.} We have known about our trip for a long time and I am just this week trying to get my stuff together.

Over 7 weeks ago I FINALLY decided to send in my passport to have my last name changed. {Diego would like to mention that he had been telling me to do this since we got married 3 years ago.} It said that it would take 6-8 weeks so I was not worried at all. In my head I thought that it would only take 4 weeks and that would give me plenty of time. So after 5 weeks and it had not arrived I started to get a wee bit worried. Last Monday I recieved a letter from the passport peeps. I had forgotten to send in my Marriage certificate!!! Huge ordeal. When I was getting everything together I put all the stuff in a white envelope. At the last moment I changed envelopes and did not see that I had missed my marriage certificate. So $30 later I had overnighted it to my peeps to get my passport back in motion. I called on Friday to see how long it would take and to see if I needed to expedite it to get in back in time. They said to call back Monday and check the progress. Crap! I was really startin to freak. Saturday morning I checked my email and guess what?!? It shipped! It will be here by Saturday. {Only 4 days to spare!}

I have started my lists of CRAP that need to be bought, CRAP that needs to be packed, and Crap that needs to be done around the house. Its a lot of lists! {Diego made a list for me too, it had 1 thing on it... SUNSCREEN!} But I am happy to say that I have started the packing and its going really bad. I usually just throw stuff into my suitcase because thats how I roll but I am now realizing that 3 weeks of clothes and shoes, {yes we will have a washer so I dont have to bring 3 whole weeks of clothes} does take up a lot of room. So I am going to have to be an extra good packer to get it all to fit. {This means Diego will end up doing it for me!}

My biggest concern??? No its not that I cant speak spanish or that I will be meeting his family for the first time, its what I am going to wear to travel in and what I will look like when I meet his family for the first time. Any suggestion??? It blows because I know its going to be freezing at the SLC airport but blazing hot in Miami and in Uruguay! Let me know what you think! ♥

Team Kate plus 8

I have watched your show for many years now. I always thought that Kate was actually very mean to you. But then I started thinking. How would I be if I had 8 kids under the age of 6? I think I would go mad if I did not have order in my home. And I think that is what Kate brought to your life. She made sure all the laundry, cooking and cleaning were done and still took care of your kids. Yes she had a bunch of hissy fits along the way but who doesn’t? I yell at Diego when he lets my dog in the front yard for hells sake. I also think that you are having a mid life crisis at the age of 30. And you are doing it in front of cameras that will capture everything your rotten ass does! Duh! You did not think you would get caught with Haley? People make millions off of dumb mistakes "celebrities" make. This season you have gonna above and beyond to be especially mean to Kate. I loved in the first episode when you were sportin the sweatshirt with Haley’s school logo on it. Very classy thing to do. I am sure it brought a tear to Haley’s eye when she saw you wearing it. Such a special way to say I ♥ you. 

Then you started to get "hip". Loved the ear piercings by the way. And when you brought home the twins matching earings. That was pure daddy daughter love. You could see in their eyes that they thought you were kind of a douche bag, but hell, they got presents out of it. And nice job on the clothing choice. Very cool to wear only Ed Hardy brand. I especially loved the dragons on your ass. Again, very classy. I know that you having these feelings inside like you are finally the person you always wanted to be but guess what, the person you are becoming is a 30 something year old that has practically abandoned his 8 kids. Fantastic.

I am glad that you came back for the last episode last night. I wanted you to be able to get your say. Did you notice that you talk a lot with your hands? Was it because you were super nervous? You should have been. The whole world is judging you! I think that you have become the poster child for why boys should not get married at the age of 21. Yes some boys get married young and they mature. But some don’t. Sucky. You obviously were just trying to say as much in your defense as you could. Good job on bringing Haley into the mix. Don’t know if you watched the episode yourself but Kate pretty much made it known that it will be a cold day on hell before her kids meet "the other woman".{Go Kate} 

I would just like to sign off with one last note. Your best line of the night was "Our marriage fell apart, and I felt like I was free." How studly does that make you look. I am sure woman are just lining up to date such a romantic guy. I really hope that you can get your act together soon because your kids still like you. Only a couple more years before they will notice your pic on the cover of US weekly and wonder who the skank is on your arm.

Good Luck Jon!

♥
Sam Jo

{Tear}

Would you rather hear the good news or the bad news first?

I am going to go with the good. Today at Costco my mom and I bought the Panda Express Orange Chicken Sauce. Yes they are freaking selling thier famous sauce in a bottle now. It was so delish. I just fried my chicken and poured it on. Wa La! Panda Express in mi Casa! I was in ♥.

Bad News: {Maybe not bad, but sad}

I have decided to go private. Diego and I have an anouncement to make and I think it would be better if the whole world did not know about it. I really hope all of my {2} readers will let me know their email adresses so I can add them. I really hate when my peeps are private because they dont pop up in my reader. But I think this is the best idea for us right now. But I would love for any of you that have been coming around randomly to let me know how you found me and I would love to add you!
Let me know by the begining of December!

Sorry Peeps!

Some peoples children...

So did you guys get a lot of trick or treaters last night? We did not get a whole lot before we headed off to see Couples Retreat but I did get to see all my favorite neighbor kids in their costumes. I could not believe how crappy some of the little kids acted. They would not say Trick or treat, please, or even a thank you! {Of course none of my cute little neighbors were rude. They all said thank you and ran off!} Their parents were standing right there as their kids would go back into the bucket three or four times while other kids were getting their treats! I was very appreciative of the kids that said thank you even if their parents had to remind them. I hope everybody had a safe and fun Halloween.

Flash Mobbin it up!

Mi Madre recently got into watching Oprah.

I had never watched it regularly but if it was on at the gym I would watch.

My mom makes me come over at least two times a week to show me amazing things that happened on Oprah that day.

They are really cool and interesting things but this episode ROCKED!

{And yes Mom I finally put Oprah on my DVR!}

The biggest crime of the year??????

At work we have a TV in the break room that is always on the news channel.

One of the guys came back from the break room and told us all about the kid in the balloon.

We all started discussing if he was alive or not.

One of the guys is helicopter pilot and he was saying how freezing it would be that high up.

Then my buddy Mark made the comment "What if the kid is at home playing XBOX?

We all started laughing and somebody else came back and said the balloon was empty!

We then learned that this family was on wife swap twice.

And funnily enough I had seen this episode.

Can you say freaks???

From that second on I knew it was just a hoax.

That dad is koo koo for coco puffs.

Here is a video from the second time they were on the show!

Crazy guy huh!!!

As of this morning the Colorado police are calling this a hoax!!

On one show the kid admitted that it was all done to get on TV. He would also throw up every time they asked where he was. Poor kid. Totally used by his shitty parents.

It also came out that the dad was trying to get a reality show deal with a bunch of different networks!

I hope the parents are charged for everything!

But it did make my week!